"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin
I don't agree with all of Rev. T.D. Jakes' interpretations about male/female relationships, but I do agree with this simple, partial breakdown of the different types of friends. This is good information to have before mistaking the attention of a comrade or constituent for that of a confidant.
1. CONFIDANTS – You have very few of them – these are people who welcome you unconditionally. They are into you whether you are up or down, right or wrong, they are in it for the long haul. You can share anything with them. Having a good confidant is one of the keys that unlock the Kingdom.
These are people who you can share your deepest and darkest inner thoughts with, who won’t judge you but will feed you instead of draining you.
Have you ever had relationships where the person was emotionally immature and consistently draining you? It’s okay to help others but you must have someone who feeds you so you can feed someone else. They will confront you; they’ll get in your business and get in your face and tell you when you are wrong BUT will also come back and be by your side no matter what. They will never leave.
2. CONSTITUENTS - They are not into you but are into what you are FOR. They are for what you are for. As long as you are for what they are for they will be with you but never think they are for you. If they meet someone else that will meet their agenda they will hook up with them and leave you. Don’t mistake a constituent for a confidant. By the time you fall in love or are connected with them in a relationship, they will hook up with someone else and break your heart, leaving you wondering, “I thought our relationship was deeper than that.”
3. COMRADES - These are not for you nor are they for what you are for. They are just against what you are against. They are strange bedfellows. They are the enemy of your enemy who will team up with you to help you fight a greater enemy. They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished.
They are like scaffolding that is there until the building is built but is later removed because the building is built. Don’t be upset when they leave. They were not supposed to be there anyway. Don’t tell your dream to your constituents they will try to fulfill the dream without you. Don’t tell your dream to your comrades because they will not support you because they are not for you in the first place.
You won't see this often, but I guess I'm on a bit of a T.D. Jakes binge when it comes to friendship. LOL He really does have some insightful information on the subject, though. Look at these six qualities of a good friendship. Like the three types of friendships, I'd add a few things to this list of qualities, but it's still a good start. Leave a comment to let me know what you think.
Genuineness. Friends “like” each other. There should be nothing fake about friendship. These healthy relationships are rooted in love, the bonds of which are trustworthy. It is never about what either party stands to gain, but all about just having that person in our lives. Friends are dependable and protective of each other’s interests.
Non judgmental: Friends love you just as you are! Always supportive, a friend’s business is not to criticize you, tell you what to do and how to do it, instead friends believe in each other, and have no hidden agendas. You should be able to throw all caution to the winds and just enjoy being around your friends. Interestingly, the Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that “the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to lead a joyful life“. The researchers concluded, that “not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight“.
Loyalty. Friends will always have your back! Loyalty solidifies such relationships. Rarely is there back-biting, gossiping, and spitefulness; true friends never gloat over your mistakes or snicker when you fall. What makes friends so priceless is that they stand by each other and are always the first to lend a supporting hand. The last thing a friend of character would do is throw the other under the bus. Good friends are always in each other’s corner … and this comes naturally. If loyalty between you seems forced and does not come naturally, this might be a cue to rethink who this person is to you … your relationship just might fall in the category of a “mutually beneficial arrangement”.
Mutual respect. You are precious just as you are! It’s all about respecting and appreciating all the differences in character, personality, career paths, etc … and never wishing the other person was different. Most importantly, “changing” or “fixing” the other should never be on the agenda. A friend respects your thoughts even when they do not agree; and never thinks he/she is superior.
Open communication. Talk to me about anything! Unless it’s superficial, friends are not afraid to discuss deep-seated feelings, thoughts, vulnerabilities, dreams and fears — knowing there’s trust and love. Friends know how to listen and not make it all about “me”. You can afford to let your guard down around friends and simply be yourself.
Forgive and forget. I still love you … regardless! Things are not always perfect. Yes, there will be misunderstandings and arguments, but friends don’t let these stand in the way. Friends sometimes make mistakes and even when they let us down, we are still able to forgive and wipe the slate clean … knowing that the intention was not really to cause pain. Hardly is there tension, mistrust, resentment between good friends.
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